Jokey Time

Serena has a new game. Whenever she gets me alone for a moment, she curls up in my arms as tight as she can, like a baby. Then she smiles up at my face beatifically and says, “Jokey time?”

Here’s how this goes:

Serena,” Why did the reindeer cross the forest?”

Me: “I don’t know. Why?”

Serena: “You have to guess.”

Me: “OK. To get to the other side?”

Serena: “No.”

Me: “To tickle Serena’s belly?” *tickle*tickle*tickle*

Serena, laughing: “NO! You only get one guess! The answer is: to get more grass.”

Silence.

Serena: “Reindeers eat grass, don’t they mama?”

Me: “Yes.”

Serena: “So that is the joke. To get more grass. To eat.”

Me: *laughing*

Serena: “Now it is your turn!”

I quickly dust off my favorite joke from childhood, sure it will crack up my little comedian.

“Ask me if I’m George Washington!”

Serena, induilgently, “Are you George Washington?”

Me: “No!”

Serena: “How is that a joke, Mama?”

Me: “Well, it’s funny. To me.”

She thinks about this for a second. “I guess it is 1 percent a joke. My turn!”

Clearly, what this child and I need is a roster of stupid jokes we can trade during snuggly time. Care to tell me your favorite kid-friendly jokes?

Kristi

My husband tells a ridiculous joke – with a very humorous delivery:

A man who had three hairs went to the barber to get a haircut.

The barber asked, what shall I do with the first hair? — “Cut it!” (my husband makes a chopping motion, and uses a funny face and voice for the man)

What shall I do with the second hair? — “Cut it!” (similar visuals)

What shall I do with the LAST hair? — “Fluff it!” (very vigorously)

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 8:56 pm
I…don’t get it. I think I need to see your husband tell it. This is what YouTube is for, right?

[Reply]
Steven E Landsburg Reply:
May 2nd, 2012 at 12:57 am
Wait a minute. You, who tell the “Ask me if I’m George Washington” joke, are complaining about jokes that make no sense?

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 2nd, 2012 at 1:26 am
Clearly, the child and I both need help with this.
Marla

I’m as bad as my kid is at remembering jokes so all I’ve got for Serena is the old “Knock Knock” where the punchline is “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”

Rio might like one that Sara recently found in a book: When are two verbs a noun? When see + saw = a see saw.

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Oooh! I like that seesaw joke. Will definitely pass it on.

[Reply]
Kaytee

Q: Where did George Washington keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 8:55 pm
This cracked me up. I think I just love nonsense jokes about George Washington.

[Reply]
It's Not Like a Cat Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 9:44 pm
This is one of my favorites. Learned it as an adult, in fact, and it cracks me up every time.

[Reply]
The Joker

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, ‘Why the long face?’

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 9:47 pm
AW! She loves horses. Perfect.

[Reply]
It's Not Like a Cat Reply:
May 1st, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Does she love John Kerry? You can substitute him for the horse and tell the same joke.

[Reply]
RosaLC

What do trees drink?
Root beer.

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!

[Reply]
Kai

What’s blue and flies?
A blueberry. I lied about the flying part.

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 2nd, 2012 at 4:34 pm
*cracking up* I LOVE THAT.

[Reply]
Sarah Twichell

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You ‘neak up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.

What did the ocean say to the shore?Nothing, it just waved.What’s black and white and red all over?1) a newspaper2) a zebra with a sunburnAlso, do you know about this weird game? You make someone say three things in a row that rhyme and then ask them a question to which they get the answer slightly wrong by continuing the rhyme scheme. Like this:What do you call the spirit of a dead person? (ghost)What do you call the person whose house a party is at? (host)When you have more than anyone else you have the…? (most)What do you put in a toaster? (toast….wait…*giggles*)Or:What’s another word for family? (kin)What does a shark swim with? (fins)What do angels dance on the head of? (pin)What are aluminum cans made of? (tin…wait…)

[Reply]
Hello

Knock knock.
who’s there?
The interrupting cow
The interrupting co–
MOO!

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 3rd, 2012 at 11:59 am
This is a favorite in our house, except no one (including me) can remember when to say MOO.

[Reply]
Clara

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office, “Doc, I need help. I think I’m a pup tent.. then I think I’m a tipi. Pup tent, tipi, pup tent…you gotta help!” Doc says, “You’re fine! You’re just too tense. (two tents).

Then there’s the duck and the grape joke, but it’s kind of a shaggy dog AND involves going into a bar, so I don’t know if that makes it kid friendly. I’ll try to type it out if you want to hear it though!

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 8th, 2012 at 11:18 am
two tents! *hahahahaha*

please tell me about the duck and the grape?

[Reply]
Clara Reply:
May 15th, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Ok, I have 2 shaggy-dog jokes.

1. A rope hops into a bar (ropes don’t have legs, you see). The bartender raises his eyebrow and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your kind here.” The rope hops out, tucks his lower end through his midsection, tousles his hair, and hops back. Now the bartender looks annoyed, “I told you! We don’t serve ropes here and aren’t you a rope?!”

The rope says, “No; I’m afraid not.” (I’m a frayed knot.).

2. A duck waddles into and sidles up to a bar. Bartender says, “What can I get for you?”

Duck looks a little shifty, up and down the bar, says “…. got any grapes?”

Bartender replies, unperturbed, “No, sir, we don’t.” The duck says nothing, slides off the barstool and waddles out.

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar and sidles on up. Bartender walks across, “What can I get for you?”

Duck looks a little shifty, up and down the bar. “…. got any grapes?”

Bartender pauses before saying, “No… we have wine, which is another STATE of grapes… we have … olives… which are round like grapes but we don’t have grapes.”

Duck says nothing, slides off the barstool, and waddles out of the bar.

Next day, the duck waddles into the bar and sidles on up, wing on the bar, and leans forward.

Bartender summons patience, “What can I get for you?”
Duck looks up and down the bar, “… got any grapes?”

Bartender, totally irritated, explodes, “LISTEN, you duck! We Don’t Have Any Grapes! None! Now! If you come in here again asking for any grapes, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar!!”

The duck says nothing and waddles out the door.

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar, and sidles on up on a stool. He leans on his wing, toward the bartender, who merely raises one eyebrow.

“Got any nails?”
The bartender pauses, “….. no…”
“GREAT! Got any grapes?”

——
And now you know my entire joke repertoire. I love the duck joke and will take ANY opportunity to tell it. I even enjoyed writing it all out

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 15th, 2012 at 8:59 pm
I love that duck joke. A lot.
Jess

Okay, here are two from my mom-in-law:

“What do you call a blind deer?”
“No idea” (no-eye deer)

“What do you call a blind deer with no legs?”
“STILL no idea!!”

Har de har har

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
May 31st, 2012 at 11:25 am
Hee Hee! Thanks!

[Reply]
Robin

My jokes kind of are visual.

Whats this?
(make your hand run like a spider across the area)
I don’t know, but here it comes again! (do it again)

I have a bunch of these I can post them if you liked that one.

[Reply]
Sierra Reply:
October 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
hee hee hee! I love this!

[Reply]

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