I posted about this elsewhere, but it’s annoying me enough that I want to talk about it here. This safety alert went out from the principal of our neighborhood school:
A message from Benjamin G. Brown School Principal Kathleen Seward I am writing to alert you to an incident that was reported after school yesterday. After dismissal yesterday, January 24th, a fifth grade student was approached on the community bike path going into Davis Square by a man walking his dog. The man allegedly asked the student if he/she wanted candy. When the student responded no, the man asked if the student was sure/ The student said yes, and then the man continued walking his dog along the bike bath away from the square. There were no other words exchanged and no physical contact. When the student arrived home, the parent/guardian was alerted and a police report was filed. The police have been working with the family and with me to follow up on the report. In the coming days, there will be an increased police presence along the bike path during the time of dismissal. As a school, we will be reviewing stranger danger guidelines with all students. If you see or hear anything related or similar to this incident, please do just as this family did and alert the police as well as me. As always, do not hesitate to call me with questions or for further clarification. Best, Kathleen Seward
I responded on the list this went out on, saying:
This is very frustrating to me. Is it now a crime to offer a child a piece of candy? I live in this neighborhood. I want my kids to have a sense of community, and to know their neighbors. Not to have their interactions with friendly adults literally policed. I see this kind of paranoid reaction to normal behavior as a much more present danger to my children than the very low risk that they might encounter a stranger who wishes to harm them.
I cited some statistics, probably familiar to most of you here: Strangers giving out poisoned candy is an urban myth; there’s never been a documented case of it. ’Stranger Danger’ is incredibly rare. Only about 115 children are kidnapped by strangers in the U.S. each year. That’s about 115 too many, as even one would be too many. But it is a very, very small number.
The vast majority of child disappearances are runaways or family kidnappings, a child being taken by a non-custodial parent or grandparent. Just as with adults, the vast majority of crimes are committed by perpetrators known to the victim.
Do I think it’s great boundaries to offer a 10-yr-old walking alone a piece of candy? No. I probably wouldn’t do it. If my kid came home and said a man had offered her candy and she felt afraid or creeped out during their interaction, I’d strongly praise her intuition. It’s possible this guy was a creepy jerk. Even if he was just friendly and clueless, the kid did the right thing to say no and get on his way. Yay kid!
From there, though, we depart the realm of sanity. Why did the parents file a police report? Why are my city and school resources being wasted on extra police details and a school-wide review of “stranger danger”? This stranger probably wasn’t dangerous, and the kid knew how to react anyway.
I hate the fact that just talking to a child is being treated like a crime. I really do see this as a more present and insidious danger to my children than the distant specter of a stranger wanting to kidnap them. This kind of overblown reaction to a simple event leads to broken trust in a community. The goal seems to be to teach my children to see everyone they encounter as a serious threat, someone who potentially wants to kidnap or kill them. That’s not the case, and it’s a scary, broken view of the world.
OK. I’ll get off my soapbox now. More cute kid stories, coming soon. In the meantime, if you see my girls out playing, feel free to offer them a friendly word. Go easy on the candy though, they’re still working through their Halloween stash.
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Sierra Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 2:10 pm
ha! I am stealing it all next year, for sure. What a great idea.
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