A few months ago, a friend said something to me about the tension between wanting to be kind to herself and wanting to challenge herself. She was feeling tired all the time, and like she couldn’t show up for the work she wanted to be doing. Should she push harder through that “laziness” or give herself the rest and play in hopes that it would rejuvenate her? Was it a sign she was really working to hard or a sign she needed to strive harder?
Her dilemma really stuck with me. It’s something I struggle with in myself all the time. I want to treat myself with loving kindness, but I also want to challenge myself to grow past my current limits. How do I both accept who I am now and push myself to grow?
Walking home from yoga yesterday, it struck me that I have one very good model for how to do this: parenting. I am constantly setting limits for my kids, holding them to high standards, encouraging their growth. I don’t see that as being in any kind of conflict with taking care of them in the here and now, or loving who they are today. The two work together; they’re essentially the same thing.
If I see a kid in need of nap, for example, I never try to snap her out of it by cajoling her to get over being so tired. I encourage her to rest because without rest she won’t be able to show up for whatever work she needs to do: being polite, reading a book, cleaning up her toys.
The same goes for me. If I’m feeling tired or burned out, I can’t effectively tough that out. Bullying myself won’t work. I need to mother myself instead, giving myself the space and rest I need to be present and energized for my life. Only when I’m doing that self-care can I really rise to the challenges I set. It’s not “be nice to me” or “push my limits”. It has to be both.
And on that note, to bed.
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