Cliched and self-absorbed as it sounds, in some ways I came out here to find myself. That turns out to be a pretty easy project. It turns out that I’m who I usually am; no big surprises.
Left to my own devices in a world where I have plenty of cash, no shortage of time and no one demanding or expecting anything of me, I do about what I always do. I get up, shower, meditate, go for a run and then sit down to work. I take little breaks throughout the day to get some sun on my face, read a chapter of a book, stretch. I eat food I like, which is mostly healthy: apples, crackers and hummus for lunch today.
What’s different here is the simplicity: I have only one set of demands to respond to. Well, two. My own, my editors. There’s no avalanche of doctor’s appointments and missing mittens and dirty dishes conspiring against my plans for the day. The plans, though, are drastically like the plans I make at home.
That’s good information to have. It tells me I’m good at making the life I want, and that I’ve effectively done so already. Whatever big change I was craving, whatever peace I’m missing, I won’t find it in the flow of my day.I need to shore up my ability to say no, to protect my work time and then walk away from it and embrace my family time. But I don’t need a big radical change in how my life is. It’s already what I want.
If I judge myself by what I do, I am already the person I most want to be.
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