Comments on: Love those kids unconditionally

By: Valerie

Valerie — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:30:12 +0000

Even better would have been if the father had “helped” the child repair the wall. We clean up our own messes and we make amends.

By: Valerie

Valerie — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:30:12 +0000

Even better would have been if the father had “helped” the child repair the wall. We clean up our own messes and we make amends.

By: Valerie

Valerie — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 13:30:12 +0000

Even better would have been if the father had “helped” the child repair the wall. We clean up our own messes and we make amends.

By: Sierra

Sierra — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:07:13 +0000

I think the point is that a time-out is still a punishment. I think Alfie Kohn tends to exaggerate the damage time outs can cause, but it is easy to misuse them to hurt kids. I’ve certainly given out my share of time-outs, but the better strategy is to get yourself and the kids on the same page before you’re using your “power over” a kid to force compliance through punishment.

By: Sierra

Sierra — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:07:00 +0000

By: Ellen

Ellen — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:51:08 +0000

I am absolutely with Sarah: I read that article and was mystified about why the author thinks timeouts had anything at all to do with “withdrawal of our love and affection”.

Yes, we use timeouts (which also have nothing to do with “forcibly isolating children” — sheesh!). We have them sit down for five or ten minutes, almost always in the same room with us. It gives the kids time to think about what they’re doing, and everyone a chance to calm down. Sounds terrifyingly cruel, doesn’t it?

By: Ellen

Ellen — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:51:00 +0000

I am absolutely with Sarah: I read that article and was mystified about why the author thinks timeouts had anything at all to do with “withdrawal of our love and affection”.

By: Sarah T

Sarah T — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:13:59 +0000

I have to confess something: I am a fan of the time out, which I grew up with, and I am confused by why a time out has to mean “I don’t love you” and can’t mean “I love you no matter what, but it’s not okay to throw crayons at me.” To me, loving and approving of a person can be meaningfully separated from approving of their behavior (anyone ever loved an addict?), and learning to separate those two is a really important skill.

By: Sarah T

Sarah T — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:13:00 +0000

By: Rich Wilson

Rich Wilson — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:43:52 +0000

When I was 13 my English teacher filled several blackboards with notes during the lunch hour, so when our class started right after lunch, we were supposed to start writing them down. He was a bit late to class, and one dare lead to another, and I ended up erasing the entire board. The Principle heard all the noise and caught me in the act, and ordered me to meet with the teacher after school to decide punishment. I was mortified.

At the end of the day, the teacher took one look at me, looked down, and said “just go”. The guilt was overwhelming. I would have much preferred some kind of penance. But then I probably would have forgotten all about it by now.