Today’s gratitude: I am grateful that for five years, my body has produced abundant, healthy, apparently delicious milk for my kids. I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to nurse them each for the first years of their lives. I’m grateful for the rocker my mother gave me to nurse in, and the nursing clothes I inherited from friends. I’m grateful for the memories of tiny babies nestled against my chest, and active toddlers bouncing on my lap trying to get a little more milk. I’m grateful for funny nursing games invented by each babe.
And I’m grateful that tonight, my husband was willing to sit with our crying two-year-old at midnight after I said, “No,” and wished her a loving good-night without giving her middle-of-the-night milk. He told her silly stories and helped her look for the moon out the window until she fell back asleep.
When Serena turned two just a few weeks ago, the thought of weaning her was not even on my horizon. But that very day, as we tucked her in after her birthday party, she started nursing A LOT MORE. I don’t know why. She went from nursing once in awhile during the day and once briefly around 2 a.m. to near-constant breastfeeding. I think she was attached to my nipple for a total of 10 hours yesterday. Clearly this can’t continue.
I’m not using Elizabeth Pantley’s wonderful book, this time because, frankly, we are exhausted and Pantley’s methods are exhausting. I have integrated them as fully into my life as I am going to and now its time to just move on, possibly with a few tears.
I don’t expect us to give up nursing entirely right now. But I need to set some firm limits, for my own health and sanity. Which is the beginning of the end of breastfeeding for me. I suspect we’ll have another year at least of cozy morning nursing and ouch-I-fell-Mommy!!!! nursing, but our days of carefree, endless milk are fading as fast as the summer sun.
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